Ep. 11: Why Do We Participate?
EPISODE DESCRIPTION
Why do we spend so much time criticizing certain things… while also giving them enormous amounts of attention?
In this episode, Matti explores the strange contradiction behind the way humans participate in culture. We roll our eyes at celebrity events, mock award shows, question trends, and hear endless horror stories about cruises… and yet we still don't avoid them.
Together, we unpack some of the psychology behind outrage, spectacle, social participation, and the very human need to feel connected to the conversation happening around us.
And along the way, maybe we gain a little more understanding — not just about culture, but about each other.
TRANSCRIPT
This week, I noticed what felt like a contradiction.
It started with the Met Gala. I came across a post discussing the event and it raised a point that most of us already know, but perhaps don’t consciously think about very often: the Met Gala is absolutely overflowing with wealth. Tickets reportedly cost around $100,000, and it’s one of the most exclusive events in our cultural landscape. Estimates suggested that the guests attending collectively represented hundreds of billions of dollars in wealth.
Given that reality, it’s understandable why the event receives criticism every year. A lot of Americans are struggling financially. The economy feels uncertain, everyday expenses continue to climb, and many people see the Met Gala as a room full of celebrities and billionaires playing dress-up while others are worried about paying bills. The optics can feel tone-deaf.
But if that’s true, why are we all so fascinated by it?
Why are we glued to the outfits, the celebrity appearances, the fashion breakdowns, the best-dressed lists, the reaction videos, and the endless post-event analysis? If we collectively think it’s a bad look, why do we continue to participate in it?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized the Met Gala isn’t the only example.
It’s Not Just the Met Gala
Every year, we hear similar complaints about award shows. Nobody watches them anymore. Hollywood is out of touch. Celebrities use acceptance speeches to make political statements. The whole thing feels self-important and disconnected from reality.
And yet every year the red carpet generates massive attention. Speeches become trending topics. Awkward moments become memes. Controversies fuel days of discussion. What especially strikes me are the people who spend hours criticizing these events afterward. Recently, I listened to commentary about an awards show where the host spent the entire segment mocking the celebrities, ridiculing the speeches, and tearing apart nearly every aspect of the event.
As I listened, I found myself wondering: if you hate this so much, why are you spending so much energy talking about it?
Around the same time, news circulated about a hantavirus outbreak connected to a cruise ship. Thankfully, experts have been clear that this is not another pandemic situation, but it reminded me how many cruise horror stories we’ve heard over the years. COVID outbreaks. Norovirus outbreaks. Mechanical failures. Massive storms. The infamous “Poop Cruise.” Countless stories that sound like they belong in a disaster movie.
And yet people continue booking cruises.
Now, I’ll admit my own bias here. Cruises have never appealed to me, and I’m also terrified of open water, so that probably doesn’t help. And to be fair, if we actually looked at the numbers, the percentage of cruises that experience serious problems is incredibly small. You could make similar arguments about planes, cars, or countless other activities that carry some level of risk.
Still, these stories stick with us. We know about the risks, we talk about the risks, and despite all of that, people continue climbing aboard ships every day.
Once again, we see the same pattern. We criticize something, question it, or focus on its downsides, but we continue participating in it anyway.
Why We Keep Coming Back
A few episodes ago, we talked about experts and how understanding psychology can often help explain human behavior. That led me down a rabbit hole looking at several psychological concepts that seem to explain what’s happening here.
The first is something called Social Identity Theory, which suggests that humans define themselves partly through group participation and shared identity. We want to feel connected, included, and part of the conversation. What’s interesting is that even cynical participation can create a sense of belonging. Watching the Met Gala so you can criticize it still makes you part of the cultural moment. In some ways, criticism itself becomes a form of social bonding.
The second concept is Negativity Bias. Humans naturally pay more attention to negative information than positive information. We are drawn to drama, controversy, embarrassment, danger, and conflict. We love hearing the latest scandal or following the latest controversy. From an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense. Our ancestors survived by paying attention to threats, and that wiring still exists today. Celebrity scandals, award show controversies, cruise disasters, murder documentaries, true crime podcasts, and high-profile court cases all tap into that same tendency.
The third concept was completely new to me, but I immediately loved it: Collective Effervescence. It describes the emotional energy people experience during shared events and communal experiences. Historically, that might have been religious ceremonies, festivals, rituals, or public celebrations. Today, it can be sporting events, viral moments, social media trends, award shows, or the Met Gala. If everyone is talking about something, we want to be part of it. There is something emotionally powerful about participating in a shared cultural experience, even if our participation is critical rather than supportive.
Finally, there’s Optimism Bias, the tendency to believe that bad things are less likely to happen to us personally. We hear about cruise disasters, but when planning a vacation, people imagine sunsets, great food, entertainment, excursions, and time with family and friends. The thought becomes, “Sure, those things happen, but they won’t happen to me.”
Taken together, these concepts paint a pretty compelling picture of why we behave the way we do.
Criticism Is Still Participation
The more I thought about these ideas, the more I realized I may have been asking the wrong question.
It’s not that things like the Met Gala continue despite criticism.
The criticism itself is often part of the fuel.
Humans are drawn toward shared attention, spectacle, emotional stimulation, and social participation. Whether we’re celebrating something, criticizing it, or simply observing it, we’re still participating in a collective experience. The conversation itself becomes part of what keeps the phenomenon alive.
In other words, the people praising the Met Gala and the people tearing it apart may have more in common than they realize. Both groups are engaged. Both groups are paying attention. Both groups are contributing to the cultural energy surrounding the event.
Participation, it turns out, may be one of the deepest human instincts we have.
And it’s not lost on me that I’m doing the exact same thing right now. By making an episode about the Met Gala, award shows, and cruise ships, I’m participating too. I’m helping keep the conversation going.
But after learning more about these psychological principles, that doesn’t necessarily seem like a bad thing. It just seems human.
What This Means Beyond Celebrity Culture
What surprised me most wasn’t what this taught me about celebrities, cruise ships, or social media. It was what it made me think about in my own relationships.
How often have you watched someone make a decision that didn’t make sense to you? Maybe they put themselves in a situation you wouldn’t have chosen. Maybe they made a choice that frustrated you, affected you, or created conflict. It’s easy to assume bad intentions. It’s easy to believe they were being careless, selfish, or deliberately hurtful.
But most of the time, people are probably doing what all of us are doing: trying to navigate life while balancing their own needs, emotions, instincts, and biases.
The more we understand the psychological forces that shape human behavior, the easier it becomes to approach people with curiosity instead of judgment. That doesn’t mean we excuse everything, but it does mean we can pause before assuming the worst.
And if we can do that a little more often, I’m pretty confident that after all is said and done, it’s gonna be fine.
This transcript has been lightly edited for readability.
